BattleBots_Update- bbus2e2 - E202: America. Fuck Yeah.

author:Justin "RFS" Bardin

 

Panic Attack 3 vs. Frenzy
         Panic Attack 3 is a new robot that probably tagged along with Bigger Brother or Killerhurtz to get over here. From what I've collected, it's a decent Robot Wars competitor and I actually looked forward to seeing it in action. Panic Attack 3 is a bright yellow robot with warning stripes, a blinking red light, and some Dalmatian puppets (sodomized dogs stolen from Buddy Lee Don't Play in the Street). For a weapon the robot utilizes some electric lifting arms, which is a strange deviation from the standard systems of pneumatics and hydraulics. I guess they just do stuff weird in the UK. Frenzy is back this season with a complete remodel and some new armor (and lots of sponsors). Last season you might remember its fight against Overkill where nobody really seemed to hit anything; this time around though Frenzy is packing a bigger punch and its opponent has a lot of open surface area to strike.

         Panic Attack 3 actually starts to take control of the fight early on by getting in on Frenzy with the corner of its lifting arm. That's about as far as Panic Attack 3 is going to get in this fight. Frenzy is able to start whacking the top panel of Panic Attack 3 and lure it over to the Killsaws which break apart one of the side panels on the Heavyweight robot (seriously what kind of armor was that). While Frenzy is striking away Sean Salisbury mentions he wants to see some furry carnage, asserting the fact that he probably really fucking hates dogs or something. Let's hope PeTA isn't watching this show. Panic Attack 3 quickly starts to fall apart and screw up with every blow from Frenzy; I seriously didn't think that weapon was capable of that kind of damage but I guess I was wrong. The top access panel of Panic Attack 3 is all kinds of screwed up as you can see it bending and twisting and the little red light flies off too.

         Our tape and VCR software was getting screwy at one point in the fight so a few seconds are lost, so let me fill you in on what happened in that last minute of the fight: the same shit that happened for the previous two minutes. Seriously, Panic Attack 3 just continued to fall apart and you have got to wonder what kids of robots that thing was fighting in Robot Wars to come away with so many wins. Frenzy actually wins by a knock out.

Suicidal Tendencies vs. Biohazard
         I like Suicidal Tendencies, it really looks like some kind of speedy light armor tank, but unfortunately I feel that it got a crappy draw for this fight against Biohazard. Suicidal Tendencies has tank tracks that go completely around the robot so it can drive upside down, which seems like it may prove useful against Biohazard who gets off on rolling people over. The front little wedge on Suicidal Tendencies lifts up, and there's also this crazy little hammer that pops up from the top, but because of their bulldozer scoop the hammer is ineffective. Biohazard doesn't change much from season to season; I can't see any differences from season one here. Biohazard is still a six wheeled low to the ground wedge with an interesting lifting arm that lifts up and forward to push people over.

         Bil Dwyer points out that Biohazard felt robbed in season one, and frankly I don't blame him because as you might remember its fight against Voltarc was essentially three minutes worth of Biohazard stuck on Voltarc's wedge while the judges didn't stop the fight to have the robots separated. Suicidal Tendencies has some speedy little tank tracks, but if you look at the bulldozer plow it's already bent up and ineffective from Biohazard's attack, they also shoot their hammer once but it falls short of hitting the low wedge. This is the beginning of the end for this machine, I can see it already. They also skate off with an easy win when Biohazard becomes jammed under the spike strip but it's able to get away. Biohazard scoots away and manages to get Suicidal Tendencies into the Pulverizer where it delivers a number of blows directly onto one of the tank tracks.

         I like how aggressive Suicidal Tendencies is being but because of the condition of its wedge and the ineffectiveness of its "toothpick" hammer I don't see a whole lot going on except a bizarre monster truck rally with tank treads instead of wheels. Biohazard takes a hold of the tank and slams it into the Killsaws and rolls the tank onto its back as one of the treads falls off. The broken tread didn't seem to affect the robot at all until it skidded into the spike strip where Biohazard performed a huge charge attack which shattered one of the links on the other set of treads and breaks that set off too. Suicidal Tendencies should probably consider living up to its name because it's got nothing now, and the fight ends when Biohazard stuffs the crippled machine up behind the Pulverizer system.

Killerhurtz vs. Gold Digger
         Ever since Killerhurtz went psycho on Knome II and refused to die against Mauler and Voltarc in season one I've really been excited to see it come back for season two and here it is. As you can imagine, after being wrecked in season one the robot needed new armor so it's back with a new set of shiny Lexan and a sharpened battle axe. Taking a look at the robot's weapon there is not a lot of difference. The pneumatic system looks a little be re-worked, mostly in the area of the axe return system, and on the back end of the robot there's a special armored cut-out where the axe rests. Gold Digger is the complete opposite in this fight, and is pretty much just like Mjollnir; a thwack-bot. I have yet to been able to understand why these robots exist in the heavier classes, but thankfull I have not seen a Superheavyweight thwacker... yet. Gold Digger's weapon is a miner's axe (and an awful paint job) that is swung when the robot spins around in place, doesn't seem like there's going to be a whole lot of action.

         Killerhurtz cruises over to Gold Digger and tries to line up a blow with its axe, but instead takes a few taps from the MINER'S AXE OF DEATH. For some reason there is no action coming from Killerhurtz's axe so the robot lines up a full length arena ram and bounces Gold Digger a few feet towards the wall. Killerhurtz starts to reel all over the arena and seems to be either drunken or busted while Gold Digger decides not to seize the moment and just starts mindlessly spinning around. Perhaps I am speaking too critically of Gold Digger, but I just don't like the design at all. In its defense, Killerhurtz really starts to slow down and crawl around instead of being quick and nimble like it was a minute ago, and Gold Digger is really able to land in some nice blows to the British terrorizer that actually leave some decent-sized dents.

         I'm just going to point this out because it's not really fight-related but it's something I've noticed about the editing of the show: a lot of the crowd cheering is fake or taken from other fights, because at the end of the battle you can hear the crowd going apeshit over an otherwise uneventful fight, but you can actually see the audience in the background and none of them look too thrilled. Fun Fact: Randy Eubanks almost shits himself in excitement after winning the fight. I guess he has a right to be happy, after all his Middleweight Subject to Change without Reason never fucking wins.

- Justin "RFS" Bardin