The_TXT_Dumpster- foreign-kool-aid - Foreign Sounding Kool Aid

author:Justin "RFS" Bardin

 

         Kool Aid is a great invention; the Kool Aid Man is a total pimp. I mean, hell, Kool Aid should have been what Neil Armstrong drank on the space shuttle, it's just that awesome. Kool Aid and its knock-offs come in a variety of flavors. However, not all of them are awesome. There're lots of wannabes that you need to watch out for. Oddly enough, most of them have bizarre names and are easy to spot.

Tamarindo
Manufactured by: Kool Aid
         Sadly, the first culprit on the list is from Kool Aid itself. I'm not sure what the hell a Tamarindo is, or where the hell it's from, or if it even is a fruit, but I can tell you one thing for sure: Whatever they are, they taste like shit. In this case, liquid shit. On the rocks. For christ's sake it's brown in color which is just a poop joke waiting to happen. It kind of tasted like apples, only, apples covered in dish soap. It had an aftertaste that was the spawn of hell itself and can only be described as the smell of wet clothes. It was awful.

Update: Apparently this is a tamarindo. You'll see why we call it "penisfruit".

Jamacia
Manufactured by: Flavor Aid
         Flavor Aid is a hack at Kool Aid, it fails at being awesome. Although they probably have more flavors than Kool Aid, most of them taste the same and the only difference is color. Jamacia is an exception and is bright red. I don't know how they figured out what Jamacia tastes like, but Jamacia Flavor Aid tastes like Pixy Stix powder that someone threw up on. I hope Jamacia doesn't really taste like that. But if it did, now I know why people get sick all the time.

Update: I've been told "Jamacia" is a kind of flower, and in this case not the country of the same name... which is what I figured. But still, flower juice. C'mon, this isn't a Disney movie.

Mango
Manufactured by: Wyler's
         Wyler's is another powered drink mix company knock-off thing. I got a free sample from a grocery store and was willing to try it. The free sample was actually just a free product so I didn't refuse, since I'm a "Drink Mix Connoisseur". I tried it, and I don't remember mangoes tasting so much like ass. Infact, I don't see how the FDA allowed this to be named "Mango" and not "Orange Shit" or even "Powdered Piss".

         Several liters of water and cups of sugar later I sit here as a broken man. I've been to powdered hell and back, and seen things no one should ever see. Avoid Tamarindo at all costs. It's not even funny how bad it was.

- Justin "RFS" Bardin